Sunday, July 17, 2011

JMTE Special: How to Train Your Dargon

Recently I went to a restaurant that served one of the most exciting dishes I've ever had. A Dargon!

I was so thrilled upon completing consumption of my meal that the next day I sought to recreate the dish at home.

The first task before me was finding a dargon. Dargons are rare and mysterious creatures, so this was not an easy task. Dargons are sometimes found in dark caves, beneath rafters, or hiding between nose hairs. However, the easiest place to find a dargon is beneath the leaves of a Solanum melongena plant. This is where I found my dargon.

A sleeping dargon.

Now the first thing to do is to put your dargon to sleep. This usually involves dropping it from a height. My dargon was already asleep, so I proceeded to slice the dargon to prepare it for training.

How to slice your Dargon.

Then you prepare the Dargon marinade. I used about 6 generous tablespoons of lemon juice, 3 of olive oil, 2 sprigs of rosemary, and salt, black pepper, and crushed red pepper to taste.

Dargon Marinade.

Then take some Aulminum foil, and lay your dargon slices out on the aulminum.

Optimal dargon slice placement.

Be sure to use a staggered arrangement for optimal chronosampling.

Then you can scoop the marinade onto the dargon slices. I used about 3 teaspoons on the bigger slices, and 2 on the smaller ones. Ration your marinade or make more to suit the size of your dargon.

Bastification of the lateral dargonsection.

You can let that soak for a bit, and then warp up the dargon completely in the aulminum.

How to warp your dargon.

Another instance of a warped dargon.

Be sure to label your dargon clearly so that no one accidentally inhales it!

Next you will need to pre-heat your chronostatic temporal flux capacitor for chronosampling.

A chronostatic temporal flux capacitor.

Make sure that the chronodominance indicator reads upwards of 300 before you place your warped dargon inside!

This flux capacitor is not chronodominant enough yet!

After your chronodominance reaches desired levels, chronosample your warped dargon for a temporoaxial equivalent of 0.00148809524 fortnights.

Then take out your dargon.

A warped trained dargon.

Your dargon is now trained! You can unwarp your dargon to check.

This is what a fully trained dargon looks like.

You can serve your dargon with tomatoes on a bed of lettuce.

And don't forget garnishes such as fish shaped crackers.



  1. My dargon killed me! What should I do?

  2. I told you not to inhale! Contact a poison control center immediately!


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